I discovered I had a gift early on but never knew what to do with it. I didn’t really know who I was. My whole life I pretend to be someone I wasn’t. It wasn’t until I started on my path as healer I learned to accept myself for who I was. Learning to love myself is how I overcame so many obstacles in my life.
Growing up I experienced Bullying, I never seem to fit in. I grew up poor, my mother did the best she could to raise my sister and me. I started drinking when I was around 13 years old. By the time I was 17 my friends and I were drinking a case of beer each every night. This didn’t drown out the feelings I had or make me feel any better. I started smoking weed and combined it with alcohol, it was a temporary patch. When I was 19 I got introduced to Reiki. A group of friends and I would go to this place that hosted an introduction to Reiki class once a week. I was hooked. I knew this was something I wanted to do. When I was 23 I took a job that would lead me to becoming a weed grower. This is when I discovered Crystal Meth. I started off as a weekend warrior and it took many years before it became a serious problem. At the same time I was reading Carlos Castaneda. This prepped my mind for shamanic work.
Fast forward 7 years, my life had become a blur. I hadn’t yet hit a rock bottom but I felt at this time it was close. I cleaned up for a year and got back into Reiki. Life seemed tolerable. Then the inevitable happened. I got another job growing weed and had success. I lost control and lost everything, friends, family, reputation and became homeless.
I had experienced 3 horrible relationships back to back and got locked up due to one. I prayed to meet someone who matched my vibe and the universe delivered. She is a beautiful German woman who lives in Switzerland. From the moment we met we were inseparable. She was the motivation I needed to pull my head out of my ass. She helped me from overseas while I was living out of my car. Slightly before this I was working on a weed farm in Anza, Ca. I was doing a lot of meditation and discovering new things about myself. This is where I picked up the tools I would need to heal myself and start healing others.
I did the sacred secretion and had a life changing experience. I knew what my purpose was but didn’t fully understand how I was going to fulfil it. Shortly after this I had my Reiki miracles happen. I visited my neighbour across the street who let me come over to do laundry. While I was there there was an orb flying around. All of a sudden I started sensing a presence. I heard a voice and I got a mental image of a woman. I described her and she said that was her step mom. when I saw the picture I couldn’t believe I described her so well, even down to the dress. Then the fun began. I had her daughters guide deliver an important message. I was able to describe the situation and the court house exactly. But wait there’s more. Remember that orb? Well that orb started bouncing around the light in the kitchen. We saw and heard it hit the lightbulb over the stove and turn it on. Then it was hovering over a picture on the counter. I heard a Ya Ya Ya’s song start playing. It was annoying that it kept going. I brought this up and told her and she said “YAYA was my moms nickname”. The song quit playing in my head. I was then able to describe some personal family details and long story short able to tell her her mom was there and was asking for forgiveness. She got mad and started crying saying she couldn’t. She would need more time. Later that night the farm I was on would be attacked by coyotes. There had been a few animals that all gave birth at about the same time. Pigs, sheep, and goats. There was also a female pig who due to pigs huddling together and a hormone issue had her anus pushed out. The baby animals suffered broken legs and major flesh wounds. When I woke up I didn’t know what to do. The ground was very slippery due to the snow. I couldn’t reach or catch any of the baby animals and the female pig was way too big to enter its pen. I was overwhelmed then a voice that seemed to fill the space around me it said “Use Reiki” I thought I was going crazy, must of been the wind I thought. After a few more failed attempts the voice came in louder repeating “Use Reiki”. I walked back to the trailer and made a cup of tea. I got focused and calm, took a few deep breaths and did my Reiki prayer. I felt something totally different. I felt a surge of energy that made my hairs stand up. I then visualised the Reiki symbols and sent out distance Reiki to all the animals. I made sure it was 4 consecutive sessions. I know Reiki is an intelligent energy that transcends space and time. The next morning the female pig was healthy. The baby animals healed in two weeks with no sign that anything ever happened.
During this time I had discovered a metaphysical store in Temecula, Ca. I walked in not expecting to buy anything. Immediately things started to call out to me. There was a lady behind the counter who looked at me and said “I think what your looking for is over here.” In my head I was thinking “How the heck would you know what I’m looking for?” Then I noticed the sign above her head said “psychic.” Whoops. I walked over and saw a wall of tarot cards. I was instantly drawn to one deck in particular. The White Light Tarot. I had already had a brush with tarot a few years prior but the timing wasn’t right. This time it was perfect. I ended up walking out with over $500 dollars in crystals, books, sage, Palo Santo, tarot clothes, tarot cards, candles and incense sticks. I took everything back to the trailer and started smudging and cleansing the energy from everything so I could now begin to bond with what I had bought. I had to go back after a week I wasn’t ready to work with the tarot deck I had purchased. I got two more decks and a few more books.
A few months later the farm was shut down and I had to find somewhere to go. I never got paid like I was promised. I barely got a vehicle which would become my home for the next few months. I couldn’t seem to make the right decisions and life wasn’t getting any better. I had another major slip and found myself worse off than ever. I again got locked up and this time it was enough. When I got out I promised myself and my now wife I was going to get myself together.
I went to court and the Judge said I needed to get into some type of program. I didn’t have the money for a top shelf rehab place that pampers your ass. I had to make the best of what I had. I was living out of my car. It was late and I didn’t know what to do. I had no one to talk to. I pulled out my phone to see what was in the area and this place popped up. I decided to take a look. To my surprise it was an A.A. and N.A. facility. A meeting had let out, the last one of the night. Outside there were a few of the fellowship chit-chatting. I didn’t even have to say “Hello, excuse me” they could tell I needed help. They talked to me for a few hours, and gave me the schedule of the meetings. At first it didn’t feel right. I wasn’t one of those, you know? Slowly I started to see that everyone is one of those just to a different extreme. Some were lucky and didn’t have to suffer as much as others. Or go through a rough rock bottom before making the decision to change. I got a lot of information out of these rooms. I quickly started working the program. My first sponsor was a fail. Be careful who you talk to, not everyone is there to help you. I got a second sponsor and quickly worked the 12 steps. You have to really want this. Chase your recovery like you were chasing your addiction. During this time I was busy with self reiki sessions and using tarot. I believe having a connection to a power greater than myself was a major reason I was able to work this program so quickly. The tarot gave me much to focus on. I always had my head in a tarot book. At night the reiki really helped with cravings and negative thoughts.
It wasn’t all unicorns and orgasms though. I really had to do an extensive amount of shadow work. There was one night I couldn’t keep going. It was a really bad day. I had a fight with my girl and the SUV was giving me trouble, I didn’t have any cash for food. This was my first and thank God my last time on the streets. I didn’t have any friends I could reach out to. I was seriously done. I was about to do something stupid and selfish. As I was about to carry out my last action I had lost the tool I was going to use. I just had it in my hand it was no where to be found. Even when I cleaned out my car to sell it it never turned up. It just vanished into thin air. I remember taking a few deep breaths and that was it. I was in a different realm. There was just darkness. Out of nowhere a light lights up the center of this room. Like in the old spy movies where the one light is hanging in the center and you see the cone of light and all around it is dark. I heard something bouncing and a ball comes into the light. A small kid comes in after the ball and looks up. It seemed like a scene from a movie. Every time the kid would enter back into the light he would grow a little bit. It didn’t take long to realize that little boy was me. I saw everything that happened to me. I had no choice but to accept it. The ball came back in and it rolled all the way to my feet. When that little boy came to grab the ball I grabbed him and gave him a big hug. I told him I’m sorry for everything that happened. I told him I would not allow anything else to hurt him. I told him I was there and loved and forgave him. When I opened my eyes I realised I was hugging myself. Thats when it clicked. I had found the source of my addiction. It was my inner child and it needed to be addressed and healed. After I did this I was able to finish my 12 steps. I went back to court with my sponsor and showed the judge my slips. She couldn’t believe how many meetings I went to each and every day. She couldn’t believe my sponsor was there with me. She was very pleased to see my progress and asked the D.A. if he would drop all the charges. He looked it over and said yes. All this just before Thanksgiving. Thats the day I left the United States and came to Switzerland to be with my wife.
Recovery is possible. Don’t give up on yourself. Believe in yourself. You have a power inside you that’s laying dormant. Once you unlock this you will unleash your true potential. I was able to break free of the chains of addiction. Now I get to help others find their purpose, make a connection with spirit, heal past wounds and recover from substance abuse.